These are things God has done. These are Redemption Stories.
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Redemption Story #8 - Sampson's Struggle
During my highschool years, I never got involved with the wrong crowd of people. Never got into the party hardy scene on weekends, never sold drugs or used and abused them, none of that kinda junk. So then what was the thing that God did a drastic turn around in my life? Girls.
I was always dating someone or after some girl. But mostly dating someone, and mostly dating someone who did not have any sort of faith in their life. Faith, I've learned, is something super important in any Christian relationship and I wish I had figured it out long ago instead of using the 'flirt to convert' excuse.
So grade 10 rolls around and I'm in a new school with new peeps. As geek-ish as this sounds there was this girl in band class who kept turning around and looking at me. She played clarinette and I played the bass. To be honest I never really got to know her at all. We just started talking one day over msn (old technology), and my good friend figured out we liked each other and decided to let us in on these secrets. So we decided to date, over msn, and that was that. The next day at school was kinda awkward because I wasn't sure what I was suppose to exactly do. Haha.
Anyways, time went on and as bodies and minds matured, we became interested with each other in more than just a friends way, know what I mean? Now, at this point, she had been going to the youth group I was attending and really enjoyed it, as well as church with me on Sunday mornings. So that was working, but only in some areas.
We often stretched our physical boundaries whenever we could. Time and time again, and every time when I left her house to go home for dinner, I felt horrible, but the next day brought the same outcome as the last. Now let me clarify, the V card was never lost during any of these afternoons but it was still not a good place to be in a christian relationship. So to end that part of the story, 3 years of dating went by and we just lost our dating connection and split. Ya, it hurt alot emotionally, 3 years is a long time, but since then I have kept in touch with her and she had definately strengthened her faith. She's now married and attends church every Sunday and is legit about living it out.
Next - right around the time of the break up I had met another girl in school, I was coming up to the end of grade 12 at this point and with a recent breakup and no one for a grad date, we became friends. She broke up with her boyfriend on the rigs in Alberta and started dating me right after the phone call. That was kinda awkward. She was awesome, she was funny, smart, all those cliche things you say about a girl. For a while anyways.
The relationship quickly turned very jealous and controlling. Then guy friends started dropping off the radar. I lost all my friends for her. All we did was hang out with each other. No one else. And guess what we did. NOTHING! Sat on the couch and watched tv or a movie. Never did anything exciting. Other than our daily yelling matches. Sometimes it was more than one.
Things got worse as the foster home that she lived at kicked her and her brother out because of our relationship. She felt more alone even though I never left her side. During the time when I lost all my guy friends. I also lost my V card to her and she lost hers to me. And man was it tough. I mean for that moment it was awesome but in the end it destroyed our relationship and our individual lives.
Since then it became a regular occasion and just like before, every time it happened I felt horrible inside, like God was upset with me and I could feel his aching heart towards me, but I pushed it more and more away. I still attended the youth group and lead a worship band Tuesday nights but I was living a double life. That band was empty for me because I didn't really believe in it. All that mattered to me was that couple minutes that we snuck out and steamed my car windows. In the bitter end, we broke up , after a year and a half, in a massive conflict which included: Egging houses, death threats towards the other person, vandalism, harassment at work, and ultimately a restraining order.
To be honest there was two more girls after that but these will be brief. both of these girls were what you would call a 'rebound'. It took two of them to get over this second relationship. Crazy I know, stupid, I know, as well. The first girl I met through a friend and she was a strong Christian who sang and led worship at her youth Group. She read her bible every night and was always on top of her prayers. She was also the only Christian in her family. She was physically pure and all around an encouraging person to be around. I was surprising not craving that need of a physical satisfaction like my previous relationship and we kept ourselves both pure during our relationship but it never lasted that long being a rebound. I think it was 3 months.
The 4th girl was not what I was expecting. She was "sort of" dating a friend of mine and he decided to have a bunch of people over for a games night. She was there and I was there and in that evening she completely ignored her boyfriend and was quite interested in everything about me. I didn't really know what to do, and because those two weren't officially dating she kinda just decided to hang around me, alot! Which I didn't mind. I really liked her but I didn't think it would skyrocket to where it did.
We started dating and soon after I had found out she was previously married at the age of 21, as I was 19. Yikes. Although at the time it didn't seem like a big deal to me. Boy was I wrong. Things happened both physically and spiritually which shouldn't have happened. Things seemed to be going back down that slippery slope again. Then one night as I was laying at home in my bed about to go to sleep I had this thought that was put in my head by God.
Basically he was saying, 'What are you doing? Why are you doing these things against my will? All this needs to end, now'. And I just sat up for a few minutes trying to comprehend what just went on in my head. And no joke I called her up, as cowardly as I was, and broke up with her over the phone at 11:30 at night and never felt an ounce of heartache. I felt relieved and free. I felt refreshed and new. Like I was starting over. Things from there kept getting better. I had rekindled all my lost friends and gained new ones as well. I felt like I didn't have this heavy weight over my shoulders anymore. It was the greatest thing I've ever experienced.
I made a vow to one of my close friends that I would not date again until I ran a 12.5s on the 1/4 mile in my racecar. Well guess what, that didnt happen. But it did cause me to slow down in the relationship aspect of my life and focus on other things before I started being a part of someone else's. To this day, the fastest time I ever hit was a 14.7 @94 mph and I'm a married man. Life couldn't be any more awesome. Amen!!
And as a word of encouragement to guys out there who have slipped physically in past relationships, one thing I did was tell my wife, before we first started dating, all that had happened to me in my past. Including all the physical stuff that you know she doesn't want to hear. But if she carries a strong faith on her shoulders, she will have the strength to forgive you and move forward in your relationship together. Being open and honest, no matter how hard it may be, is the best best best thing to do to build a strong relationship. Boom!